


Memento Mori

by BrightTerror



Series: BrightTerror's 2020 Whumptober [14]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Sparrow Academy (Umbrella Academy), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Ben Hargreeves, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Ghost David "Dave" Katz, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves-centric, M/M, Season 2 compliant, Sticks to s2 timeline but there's some changes, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:01:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27104650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrightTerror/pseuds/BrightTerror
Summary: Whumptober day 19: BROKEN HEARTS (Grief | Mourning Loved One)Season 2 spoilers.Klaus doesn't have a lot of experience with mourning, death doesn't mean much to him because he can always see them after they die if he really wants to. That being said, he has no idea how to cope with Ben's death after stopping the second almost-apocalypse. He is going through dark times but at least he has the rest of his family there for him... eventually.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Everyone, Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz
Series: BrightTerror's 2020 Whumptober [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948378
Comments: 6
Kudos: 68
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Memento Mori

**Author's Note:**

> Not Beta read, sorry for any typos or mistakes. 
> 
> Quick thing: Sparrow academy doesn’t exist, and everything is the same in s2 except Klaus didn’t talk to Dave after the paint shop so he didn't mess up the timline.

Klaus had never had to mourn anyone in his life. Growing up, if someone died, whether it was his pet cat or a friend of his, they never really left, he could always see them as ghosts.

When Five disappeared, he didn’t mourn him like the rest of his siblings did because he  _ knew  _ Five wasn’t dead, he was somewhere in time, alive. He knew  _ if  _ his brother was dead, he would  _ know _ . And as long as he didn’t see his ghost, that meant he lived. Simple as that. 

When Ben died after the horrible mission went wrong, all his siblings were sad and grieving. His funeral was filled with tears and guilt, but not Klaus. He was trying his best not to laugh as Ben stood next to him giving him some awful commentary about how his statue didn’t look like him. 

It was really hard to grieve someone when that person was standing next to him, talking and laughing. 

So, he never mourned Ben’s death. In fact, he saw his brother more often now than when he lived. Klaus didn’t feel so alone now. Him having Ben by his side was what gave him the final push of confidence to ditch the awful place and leave the Academy at the age of seventeen. He left with the confidence he wouldn't be alone, not with his ghost brother by his side. 

The closest he had to mourning someone was Dave. Sure, in Vietnam there were a lot of casualties and a lot of his friends died tragically, but he could still talk to them and interact. So, they weren’t gone, not really. 

With Dave was different, he was the love of his life and didn’t expect Dave to be taken away from him so soon. Watching his partner bleed out with a bullet hole in his chest right in front of him sent him off the rails. He wasn’t thinking straight and all he wanted was to have his warmth back. 

After his voice was raspy from screaming for a medic, he went back to 2019, still dripping with the blood of his lover and wearing the other’s man tags. 

Sure, he felt the agonising pain that came along with someone’s death, but the aftermath did not include mourning. Not exactly. Because even if it hurt like hell, he still had hope he would see him again. 

He tried to summon him with no success, but he wasn’t able to wallow in grief and misery as he wanted because the apocalypse was in motion. So, he had put the grieving on hold while he tried to save the world with his siblings. Besides, he wasn’t going to give up  _ yet _ . He was determined to bring Dave back as a ghost, and he was going to do that even if it's the last thing he did. 

So really, he didn’t experience the proper mourning process that everyone was used to. He was sad, but he wasn’t giving up on seeing Dave again. For him, it was just temporary. 

Then he travelled to the 1960’s with Ben. He was thrilled that this time going back in time it wasn't him alone. He had Ben. Living without him by his side during those ten months in Vietnam were simply not great, but he found Dave, so he survived and adapted. Ben was his favourite sibling and his sort of anchor. 

So here he was, back in time and with the knowledge that a younger version of Dave was alive and well walking through the streets of Dallas. So once again, the man wasn’t really gone for him. In a way Dave was still alive so Klaus held onto that thought and used it to avoid the extra pain of his death in the war. 

After that, he was too preoccupied getting rich and slowly creating a cult. It wasn’t what he had in mind and definitely not what he expected of getting a rich old lady to give him her money, but he worked with what he got. 

He was unsure if his siblings were alive or dead, but he clung to the belief that if he didn’t see them as ghosts then they weren’t dead. He might be stuck back in time with no one from his family there, except for Ben. So, he managed. 

To summarise, he never had to mourn anyone ever in his life. They always came back one way or another. 

Until now. 

Which is why when Ben died for good, he had no idea what to do or how to cope. They managed to save the world from the apocalypse once again and go back to 2019, everything somehow turned out fine. They went back to the academy, which was still standing, the world hadn’t ended. The timeline was back in place and there was no upcoming threat. 

Which is why it made it so much harder for Klaus to deal with his brother’s death, after he died for the second time; after he died for  _ good _ . Klaus never had experienced this before. For him death didn’t mean they were gone, he could still reach them if he wanted to. 

Now he had to deal with the horrifying ordeal of mortality and the fact that everyone was going to die and maybe, even leave the afterlife; die a second time. This was unknown territory for him, his brain was going down a spiral of dark thoughts and existential crisis.  _ What if only some ghosts have an afterlife? If a ghost died, where did he go? Is there nothingness, is there an empty?  _ Klaus kept going around those thoughts trying to find some logic to the whole mess that was life. 

He was sitting in the bed of Luther’s room; it was the only place where he wasn’t reminded of his deceased brother. If he was anywhere else in the house, he would be reminded of memories the two of them had through the years, Ben was always by his side. But since he never went to Luther’s room, he had no memories attached to the place. 

He felt like he was drowning. Each and every one of his siblings were having the time of their life, enjoying their apocalypse-free lives while was all  _ alone _ miserable. 

Luther had become closer to all of them and stopped being such an ass. His newfound confidence —after standing up for himself to Reginald in the sixties— made him realise he could escape from the missions and the so-called dream of the umbrella academy. So, he built and started a greenhouse on the lower floor of the building. He always loved plants and thought it would be nice to make it a hobby. 

Diego had a new purpose: trying to find Lila in order to help her. He befriended half the commission before, so they were nice enough to let him borrow a time traveling suitcase as long as he didn’t try and go save JFK again. They warned him if he tried to play hero, they would hunt him down. Diego for once, listened to them and left with the suitcase to find her. 

Allison immediately took the first flight she could get out of the state to go see Claire. She hadn’t seen her in a few years and wanted to be with her as soon as possible. 

Five was begrudgingly taking a vacation. He hadn’t had a time to relax in over 45 years so everyone pitched in and made him go to the beach to get a massage and eat whatever he wanted. Surviving day to day in a post-apocalyptic world tended to make anyone stressed. He was only convinced of going because he was promised many alcoholic drinks. He was having a good time even though he would never admit it. 

Vanya was coming out of her shell and was bonding with her siblings. She missed Sissy and Harlan but knew she had to move on, so she looked for their address to have some sort of closure and then she was going to plan what to do with her life from then on. 

And this had been only 3 days after they came back. Everyone seemed to move on and go on with their lives, ignoring the fact that they lost  _ him  _ only less than a week ago. 

But they hadn’t lost Ben this week, no, they had lost him seventeen years ago. They had already mourned him and had time to move on. For them, not much changed. 

Not him, not Klaus. It was too recent… for him it was only days… four days to be exact. 

Realisation hit him like a truck. It had  _ only  _ been 4 days since his brother was gone for good. 

It felt so much longer. Time was ticking slower and every breath felt like too much. He had no energy and wanted to lay in bed all day, maybe pop every pill on the planet. But no, he was almost 4 years sober from drugs. He was two days liquor free though… so maybe... just maybe... he could drink away his sorrows and start his sobriety  _ after _ . 

But no, Ben would be mad, he would say he was throwing his life away and needed to get his shit together. He couldn’t do that to Ben. 

But Ben wasn’t here. He was gone, and never coming back. 

Klaus choked on a sob and closed his eyes. He was glad that he learned to control his powers better and now could keep the ghosts at bay, so at least he could be sad in peace. 

Who knew that having a supportive person in his life helping him with his powers would do so much better than traumatising his entire childhood and giving him lifelong trauma? Ben had helped him through his powers while he dealt with withdrawals and eventually got sober. Ben was always there for him. 

And now he wasn’t. Not anymore. Not ever. 

He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t handle all these emotions; he didn’t  _ like  _ them. 

Each day seemed to be worse. The day it happened it didn’t hit too hard. He woke up after being knocked out and Vanya was with them, apparently the apocalypse had been stopped for a second time. He didn’t see Ben which he found weird, but he knew Ben tended to leave for a few minutes or hours every now and then. He had figured now that the world was saved, he went to check on Jill. 

But then he reunited with the rest at the house and Vanya told them what Ben did to save her. And he started to  _ worry _ . He tried to summon him again, not wanting to think of the alternative of him not showing up.

He asked Vanya about it, when he went with her to save Harlan. Oddly enough he didn’t feel much different after she told him Ben was really gone, it hadn’t set in yet. Didn’t feel real, and he had a kid to save so that was out of his mind for the rest of the day. 

Keeping himself busy to avoid thinking about his problems usually worked. So only when they went back to 2019 and he had all the free time in the world, did he really start to feel the loss. It began slowly and then all at once. 

The day after it happened, he went to celebrate their return with his siblings then slept all day. In the interim he was often reminded by his brain that Ben was gone. He didn’t dwell too much on that though, because his siblings kept talking to him and spending time with him. 

The third day after the incident it was when it all hit too hard and all at once. He kept forgetting Ben wasn’t there. So, every time he said something when no one else was in the room he would subconsciously look to his side to see what Ben’s reaction was to his latest antic, but he was met with complete silence and loneliness. So that’s how he ended going to Luther's room to hide in a blanket on the bed. Luther wouldn’t mind, he was too busy building his greenhouse. 

So that’s where he currently was. Plagued by unwanted thoughts and silently crying. It was a skill he picked up from his childhood after Reginald locked him up more time because he was crying too loud. 

He was wallowing in his misery when a voice snapped him out of it. “Klaus?”

He turned around and saw Dave,  _ his  _ Dave, standing next to him with a worried look on his face. He hadn’t seen him since he died in Vietnam. Sure, he had tried summoning him before, but it didn’t work, and his past self didn’t count. “Dave?” Klaus rubbed his eyes to clear his tears, but it was no use, the tears kept coming back. 

“Hey Klaus. It's been awhile since I saw you.” Dave smiled at him. “About fifty years give or take. I’ve missed you.” 

Klaus was thankful of his ghosts-seeing powers for once. Now that he knew how to make them corporal, he made Dave solid and cupped his hand to his face, slowly and unsure, as if he touched him, he would faze through him. He didn’t. The moment he knew he was truly there; Klaus dropped onto his arms to hug him and hid his face onto the ghost’s chest and cried. 

“Sweetheart, shhh it's okay. I’m here.”

Dave hugged him and gave him a kiss on the top of his head. “Tell me what is troubling you. What happened?”

So, Klaus told him  _ everything.  _ He told him about how he returned from Vietnam and failed to summon him, how he spent four years in the past, the cult, the two almost apocalypses, and Ben dying again. 

Dave listened intently to everything his boyfriend said and held his hand, squeezing it in support when he needed too. When Klaus finished the recounting of everything going on, he broke down once again, but now he had the comforting warmth of Dave beside him. 

They fell quiet for a while. They cuddled while Klaus calmed down as the pain hit him all at once. The more he talked about it, about what happened, the more it became  _ real.  _

As if Dave knew what was going on in his head, he interrupted the torturing silence and told Klaus. “Tell me about him?” He had a history of dead friends from the war, so he knew a thing or two about grieving. He always found it comforting to talk about the deceased and remember the good times. 

Klaus frowned at such a random request but agreed. He told Dave of the rare good times they had when they were kids and the many shenanigans they got into in the last decade. 

Klaus realized—after speaking for a solid hour or two— that he somehow felt better. Telling someone about Ben helped, it made him feel like he was commemorating his brother’s life. 

“Thank you.” Klaus said truthfully. 

Dave gave him a quick, loving kiss and smiled. “Of course. Ben seemed like a wonderful ghost. I wish I could have met him, I’m sure we would have bonded nicely.” 

“He would have loved you. Probably be relieved that you’re here so I wouldn’t talk his ear off about you.” Klaus laughed. “He left me talking on my own once when I was talking about our night at the bar in ‘Nam. I was left talking to the air and people looked at me strangely… well they looked at me strangely either way because they couldn’t see him either way. But still, rude.” Klaus tried to laugh but quickly remembered he wouldn’t get more funny memories with him anymore. He tensed up. 

Dave picked up on it. “Klaus?”

“How do you do it?” He spluttered. 

“Do what?” 

“Live with it- wait no, bad choice of words. You’re dead.” Klaus gave a dry laugh and frowned. He was thoughtful for a moment before speaking. “How do you... manage? Knowing someone is gone for good and your time with them reached the end?”

Dave ran his fingers through Klaus’ long hair. “Losing someone is always the hardest thing to go through. It’s devastating, and it feels like a part of you died. But you learn to live with it, that’s what makes us human. We all have to go through it even if we don’t want to.” He paused. “It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to grieve, for some people its days, others can be years, but it  _ does _ get better. The memories you had together will always be there and his life will be celebrated…” he was quiet for a moment, thinking of what to say next. “Losing someone, is bittersweet. It’s a heart wrenching pain that is always there but it gives you good things too.”

Klaus frowned and looked heartbroken and shocked. “How can there be  _ any  _ good to losing my brother? Nuh uh. I call bullshit.”

“You usually appreciate life and the people around you more. It serves as a reminder to spend time with the people you love and to not take it for granted. It lets you appreciate the small details in life. It’s hard at first, I know. At first it feels like it only gets worse and there’s nothing good in life, you start to regret a lot of things and it’s too much. Right?” 

Klaus nodded sadly. “It  _ hurts _ so much, Dave. And I treated him so badly.” His voice broke. “His last chance of reconnecting with our siblings and I blew it. I told them Ben wasn’t there. I don’t know why I did that... and I always treated him for granted. I should have treated him better… I should have-”

“He knew. No one is perfect and there will be regrets and a lot of self-wallowing on ‘what ifs.’” Dave lifted Klaus’ chin with his hand so he could look him in the eyes. “It’s normal to think all that but you can’t let it win. Every time you feel regret or guilt you try and think of all the good moments instead, okay? Because there’s nothing you can change now so it’s better to think about the good times. Ben would want you to be happy. You told me he always went out of the way to help you right?”

Klaus nodded again, blinking back tears. “He knew because he cared about you, and he knew you cared too. It hurts, but it will get easier and you won't have to go through it alone. You have me, your siblings, and your pals back from Nam. You don’t have to suffer through this alone.” Dave said softly but truly meaning every word. 

“But-” Klaus went to complain. 

“Life is too short to waste it away thinking of all regrets and what ifs. Focus on what you have now and hold it close.” Dave told him again. He knew Klaus’ self-destructive tendencies and guessed those would only get worse with the loss of his brother, so he tried his best to be the support line he needed. 

Klaus chuckled, trying to make a joke because the conversation was getting too emotional and he couldn’t deal with emotions. “Dave you sound like a fortune cookie mixed with that wise turtle from Kung Fu Panda. I knew you were old, but I didn’t know you would reach the crazy, wise old man level of old.” 

Dave smiled sadly at his boyfriend. He knew his coping mechanisms and humour was a big one for him. Dave then laughed at the joke and made a mental note to look at what a Kung Fu Panda was, later. “You know what we should do?”

Klaus cracked his back as he stretched and shook his head. “What?”

“We should make Ben a funeral.”

“Dave, sunshine, I am so sure I mentioned you Ben’s statue and funeral he had  _ seventeen  _ years ago. I know I said it multiple times. He  _ already  _ had a funeral.”

“Yeah but you didn’t take it seriously. Funerals can serve for closure, and it seems like it would do you good. We can make it a party, to remember him.” 

“A party? I’m always down for a party.” He wiggled his eyebrows and tried to joke out of the conversation. “Parties are fun, mon cherie, yet what you’re suggesting sounds depressing.”

“Humour me, please?” Dave tried to use the puppy eye look that Klaus gave into,  _ every time.  _

“Fine.” 

So that’s how they found themselves around Ben’s grave a few hours later. Dave convinced him to dress up in his nicest clothes for their makeshift funeral. Klaus picked up a cute black skirt, some combat boots, a laced shirt and a really comfy trench coat. He put his eyeliner on, per Dave’s request—he knew how much Klaus loved eyeliner— and after some convincing they went outside. 

Klaus spent the entire time joking about it and going on tangents of how Ben would think it wasn’t good and so on. But deep down he was kind of looking forward to it. See if it had a closure like Dave said it had. 

He and Dave stood in front of his grave and no one said anything for a few minutes—Dave knew he had to wait for Klaus to be ready so he stayed as a silent comfort—until Klaus choked on a sob. He had been doing that a lot lately. “I can’t do this. I can’t. He was my brother, and he can’t leave me… I can’t do this.”

“You can.” Luther said. “You will.”

Klaus spun around at the sound of his brother’s voice. Said brother was standing a few feet away, and next to him were Five, Vanya, Allison, and Diego. “What’s happening?” He tried to hide his tears and act nonchalant. 

“I called them. Well, I found Luther in the kitchen while you were showering and told him you needed your family. Luther called the rest.” Dave spoke up and wrapped an arm around Klaus. 

“Finding a blue ghost, I don’t know in my kitchen scared the hell out of me and made me drop my sandwich, not the best way to meet my brother in law but he made good points.” Luther said awkwardly. 

“I teleported the rest here once I heard what was going on. I'm not missing his funeral again.” Five said. This was going to be closure for him too. 

“We’re sorry we didn’t realise it sooner, none of us realised he was never really gone. We should have been there for you before, we weren’t. But we are here now.” Allison gave him a motherly hug. 

“You helped me when I needed you the most, you saved me. Now let me return the favour.” Vanya offered him a shy smile. 

Diego just awkwardly patted him on the back and gave him a nod. He was not good with emotions either, but he tried. 

Klaus blinked away the tears but this time they weren’t tears of sadness for once. It was from shock. “You would do that for me?” Klaus did not believe this. All his life he had fended from himself, his siblings nowhere in sight when he hit rock bottom many times. He couldn’t believe his eyes at the sight of all of them _ —almost _ , all of them— were there  _ for him.  _

“We would do this and so much more. You’re not going to be alone. Not while we’re here.” Dave kissed his forehead and wiped away the tears from his cheeks. 

So here he was, surrounded by his family, who for once, was there for him. Everyone was standing close to or behind him except Dave who was bumping shoulders as he began to speak some kind words for Ben. Klaus had been scared that with Ben gone he would have no one that was there for him… he thought he would not make it through. Yet here he was, with his ghost boyfriend holding him in his arms and his family helping him through. Maybe he  _ would _ make it through after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> What did y'all think? Comments and kudos are appreciated and encouraged! 
> 
> If you liked this I encourage you to check out my other whumptober TUA fic [Soldiers have a Bad Habit of Dying](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27027553)
> 
> Find me on tumblr as @BrightTerror


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